Microsoft is ecstatic their search engine has suddenly become relevant. They've received encouraging messages from users that Bing "still kinda sucks" and "makes me want to rake out my eyes with a dirty fork" which is a vast improvement over previous feedback.
It's commonly believed that stamps were invented by Benjamin Franklin, the first postmaster general, because he loved mice and wanted them to have little paintings to furnish their homes with.
Maria in San Diego, CA is asleep the entire time she drives to work and ... generally doesn't wake up until lunch
The entire workforce will actually be composed of interns who, while working for just about nothing, will gain valuable experience about business from the industry giant.