News that is Content

Middle school teacher leads team to storybook ending win in Student vs. Teacher football game

January 21, 2016
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Football

The school’s tradition of the annual flag football game has taken place for nearly a decade and was listed as Chantilly’s 34th most attended town event – right after Free Slurpee Day and before Circuit City Memorial Day.

New Harvard Study Finds Link Between Cancer And Compulsion To Click Bullshit Headlines

January 4, 2016
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AssCancer

Harvard, MA – Leading researchers at Harvard's Biochemistry department have discovered a groundbreaking connection in the continued battle against cancer. “We looked long and hard at the data, and have found that the more people click on sensational headlines and links, especially those on Facebook, the more likely they are to get ass cancer and die. The P-value equals 1,” says disembodied voice in a white overcoat.

Movie Review: Santa Claus Conquers ISIS

December 25, 2015
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File_003

Besides Star Wars: The Force Awakens, the big treat for moviegoers this Christmas is the new movie Santa Claus Conquers ISIS. In a strange, but ultimately bold move, Disney let director Kathryn Bigelow and screenwriter Mark Boal, the Academy Award-winning team best known for films like The Hurt Locker and Zero Dark Thirty, take the reins of their much beloved Santa Clause franchise.