Mr. Mittens Local priest Gerard Hopkins was recently quoted telling his congregation that he was, “bewildered as to why everyone has such a hard time with the whole abstinence thing.” While he could possibly understand it for the lay congregation who might eventually want sex, Father Hopkins admits how surprised he was to learn that his fellow clergy occasionally have thoughts about kissing women romantically on the cheek. “I mean, sure, if you indulge those thoughts you’re going to have a hard time getting rid of them. But we didn’t evolve over thousands of years to always think about sex, so if you put them out of your mind they should go away within like a week. Two weeks tops. And then you’re good forever. Kind of like gay thoughts.”
