American people summon Balmut the Destroyer

November 14, 2016
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At the close of the 2016 presidential election Americans joined together in a deafening voice to summon Balmut he Destroyer to put an end the government corruption, wasteful spending, and carbon-based life as we know it. It was truly an emotional night as Americans gathered in summoning circles across the country to usher in the new Era of Fire. For many, Balmut is the fulfillment of the prophecy to eliminate government gridlock. It has been foretold for generations that he will drain the swamp of Washington’s establishment Republicans and Democrats, then utterly level the city.

For others, however, the draw of the Class VI demon are the photon spheres he blasts from his mouth to obliterate his opponents. A few strikes from this could break the shackles of NAFTA. They can also be used to get rid of one of the greatest threats facing America, noted some Balmut summoners, “and that’s the Muslims. Just think about it, what have Muslims done for the world? They developed algebra. Pure evil.”

According to The Hastings Center an estimated 17,000 sheep have already been slaughtered to help Balmut recover his powers. We can only hope that by inauguration day he will have enough energy to soar into the heavens and devour the sun.

balmut 1 - Volcano-monster_by_David_Revoy

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Image by: David Revoy.
Title: Volcano monster
Attribution: Ancient Beast ( ), from an original concept of Katarzyna Zalecka aka Kasia88 ( ).
Changes made: Image file size reduced. Original image file available at
Image License CC-BY-SA