HR to soundproof crying rooms

March 13, 2017
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After a successful test pilot of soundproof crying rooms, HR has decided to roll out soundproofing to all crying rooms in the company’s North American offices. “The response has been overwhelmingly positive,” said Chief Human Resources Officer Bill Brady. “In the past the crying rooms were all consolidated on the fifth floor, but by eleven o’clock the noise would become so deafening that tenants on the tenth floor often complained about the agony echoing up the stairwell. Now with the soundproofing, it is as if everyone in the company doesn’t hate their life and want to stick their head in a blender.”

The pilot allowed HR to test several new crying room designs to make sure they’re perfect before the upgrade. And they’ve learned a lot. They’ve eliminated all furniture in the rooms to maximize the available space for people to roll around in the fetal position. They’ve also disabled wifi in the rooms so that employees won’t receive any distracting notifications, allowing them to have a long uninterrupted cry instead.

Because crying rooms are a fairly new management trend many people wonder if it’s a trend that’s likely to stick around. If HR can provide any insight, it’s a resounding yes -their cry rooms are reserved through 2022. The unfortunate trade off of a popular crying room reservation system, however, is that it leaves many employees without an ad hoc space to cry if the need unexpectedly arises. What if they just found out there are no blue pens left in the supply closet? What if they need a quick 5 minute cry before giving a presentation? With all available rooms reserved they have to walk out to their car which diminishes productivity, or cry in the bathroom which echoes off the tile and lets everyone in the hall know how emotionally unstable they are.

As a result HR has implemented walk-in only crying rooms where employees can get in a quick catharsis right before their next project briefing, or first thing in the morning on their way to their desk.

HR to Soundproof Crying Rooms