Mr. Mittens Adorable. After 10 years of living and loving together these high school sweethearts have decided to take the next step in their relationship and sew their bodies together!
Kate and Jackson Shanahan have been through a lot together: ignoring their friends; never dating anyone else; and enduring the cold, tangibly dense emptiness of their life when one of them walks into a different room. But thanks to breakthroughs in medical science they now have the opportunity to bind themselves indefinitely with the increasingly popular Attachment Surgery. This procedure solves the most common attachment issues by physically removing the biggest cause of detachment – separate bodies. In doing so they can ensure they are never without the social and self validation of being in a relationship.
One sided operations are also available for relationships where there’s only one troublemaker. In these cases procedures such as removing the bad partner’s legs or economic freedom have been proven to yield many couples with relationships where there’s no risk of detachment whatsoever. Hurray science!
During their initial, free consultation Kate and Jackson – soon to be known as the Shanahan Prime – viewed several different body styles from “Siamese Hip Twins” to the “Krang” to the “Let’s Start Over with a Baby” before ultimately settling on the “Machamp.”
(Plastic surgeon’s anticipated post-operation look below.)
When asked about her feelings toward the upcoming procedure Kate couldn’t be more excited, “I think it’s a great opportunity for us to avoid ever being alone or afraid again.”
“And the social validation that comes from being in a relationship?” Jackson added. “Priceless. I want everyone I meet to know that I’m in a relationship. Even if it sucks, it doesn’t matter. Just the fact that I’m in a long-term relationship means I’m a winner.”
