Particle Man (The Internet, The Internet). Ryan Reynolds, 23, is purportedly amidst some deep and existential questions regarding himself, his future, and his Facebook account.
“It’s hard to say, really. I mean, I barely use the thing, but every once in a while I’ll pop on to see how people are doing. Nobody really messages me, though. I guess that’s partially my own fault. Sometimes I get invited to events but those are usually political rallies. Most people I know just text me anyway. I’m kinda friends with some cute girls so I don’t want to totally cut them off either in case they finally come around.”
Reynolds is unemployed and living with his parents. He spends 3 hours a day offhandedly checking Facebook between actions.
“Plus what if I really need to contact someone in case of an emergency? Like if I lose my phone and have to use a library computer? That’s really important. I mean it’s not exactly the best thing but like it’s a fail safe of sorts just in case, you know? And there are so many cool pictures of me that I couldn’t access otherwise. You can’t even call it an addiction, you basically need Facebook to function in this day and age. Sometimes there are good discounts and coupons and stuff too, like those Ray-Bans for 90% off? I don’t want to miss that.”
Reynolds has deleted his Facebook account three times, usually during finals or when papers are due. His longest streak is 6 days without.
“I know it’s not making me happy, but it’s not exactly making me sad. It’s there and it’s a resource, is all. I can hide all the bad photos so employers can’t see them anyway. Why would I want to be insular? Having all my friends, all 842 of them, at the palm of my hand is amazing. I’d have to be a fool to hate that. Yeah. Why would I ever delete my Facebook? Except what if–”
